that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
