Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
