i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
