"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
