her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
