and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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