What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to make out with him forever
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
