i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
