i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
