hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
be right there i have to get my cape
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
