Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
