I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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