i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
