I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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