im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
