Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize