i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
