This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
