she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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