I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
