suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
