his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
