so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
