I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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