dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
