Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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