I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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