maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
