just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
