Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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