it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
