She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
