i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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