so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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