I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
