...so i touched it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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