I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
