You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
