i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
