it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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