Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
