I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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