Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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