There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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