By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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