That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
