May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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