I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't put those talents on a resume
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize