jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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