It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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