You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Holy sore nipples Batman
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize