After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
