Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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