Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
