I'm eating all of the evidence.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
