Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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