okay pat passed out under dana's car
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
