Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
