Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
nutella sex= disaster
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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