I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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