If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy