Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered