her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
