Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
