I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
