chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
