So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
