there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
