Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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