I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
